As most know, I transferred to a new restaurant about a month ago. It was a great move for me personally and financially. This past Monday I also began working a new, second, part-time job with my local News-Paper. I love working both of my jobs and the recent changes have allowed me some separation from my past.
But in this separation from the recent I have found myself almost lying about the past. Not big lies, not deep and detrimental ones but almost as if I am responding to people's curiosities and questions with the lies we tell ourselves.
"Are you married?"
"Seperated." --- (Truth)
"Oh, I'm sorry."
"Don't be... it's a very civil divorce." --- (Kind of true.)
"It was a mutual thing." --- (Lie)
"We tried to make it work, and it just didn't work so it was best to end it before things got worse." ---(Depends on who you ask. )
""It's not that big of a deal." ---(LIE LIE LIE.)
Maybe it's just me trying to save face, to not be viewed as the sad, abandoned divorcee. I've obviously proven I'm anything but incapable. My bills are paid. My daughter is happy and healthy. I'm advancing myself in a field I think I can be really great in. I work hard. I have an amazing central circle of friends. I live on my own.
I'm doing well. (true) I'm doing better than well, I'm doing great. (kind of true)
So then why does this all feel like I'm simply surviving. It's not as if I've had some terminal illness. Rick wasn't a cancer that needed to be removed from my body. (depends on who you ask) Is a failed relationship, a failed marriage really something you can "survive"?
I don't know to be honest. But there are so many things in life that I am uncertain of 24 hours a day.
I just have to get up every morning, make the coffee, brush my teeth and remind myself to breathe. It's a new day. (truth). It's always a new day.
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