Bitter Valentine's Day Rant...

I've never had a good Valentines Day. I've always figured they were cursed or I was doomed. It's just a day that never seems to go the way it is planned.

This year is the first year I don't have a Valentine. I figured this might break the string of rough Valentine's Days. Nope. I planned a Single-Ladies Night which turned out to be Eric, Kathryn and me eating lasagna and watching Dead Snow, a nazi-zombie movie.

I am trying very hard to not become cynical, or bitter, or annoyed. I'm trying very very hard to not acknowledge the messages I received today that make me want to respond with "W.T.F?"

But it's hard.

When all I want to do is have someone I can call and tell my good news too, or call and complain to, or even just wrap their arms around me and kiss me on the forehead when I get frustrated over something insignificant. I don't want to be in a relationship right now because God knows I'm not ready for one with everything my heart has been through the past 7 years... but man what I wouldn't give to just have somebody. I'd give almost anything to be kissed softly, and just have someone take care of me... even if it's just for the night.

But that's Valentines Day for you. It always leaves me wishing I had something better... something more. This year it's all that, and more.

Dear Dear Dear....

Dear Dreams,
Please stop entertaining my desire for a three-way with Cappie and Evan.
It's just plain mean.
Sincerely,
Sleep Deprived

Dear Creeper,
Yeah, I know you're reading this.
And yeah, I know you're cyber stalking me...
Truthfully,
Don't.Really.Care.
Thoughtfully,
Hope It Gives You Hell...

Dear Mr. I-want-to-have-my-cake-and-eat-it-to,
I've decided to bow out gracefully, because no matter how much you may want me you seem to be pretty smitten with the other side of the equation.
I wish you happiness, and I wish you luck.
The only thing I ask, is think of me fondly if you think of me at all...
Lovingly,
The One That Got Away... twice ;)

Dear 26,
Please be kinder than 25 and I promise,
I'll buy you a pony.
Love,
Seriously... is it really almost that time again?

Drunken Confessions...

1. I'm a shameless flirt when I am craving attention.
2. I am far more mouthy about my awesomeness when I've had a few.
3. I will kick your ass at Wii Bowling/Archery/ ect.
4. I miss the "good times" more then I care to.
5. Yes, yes I'm jealous.
6. Damn it, I miss you... and it sucks.

it never takes too long...

but you're neither friend nor foe
thought i cant seem to let you go
but the one thing that i still know 
is that you're keeping me, down.....

Is it Bad...

Is it bad that a large part of me is waiting for an apology that's never going to come?



I'm starting to think I'll tell the story of us
how I was losing my mind when I saw you here
but you held you pride like you should have held me...

Lonely Girl 101

I promised my return to my readers and I extend my apologies again for vanishing like I have. Between finalizing my separation from my soon-to-be (but not soon enough) ex husband and moving my daughter and myself into our own place things have been hectic. But I stand before you 10 pounds lighter, internet in tow, willing to share the intimate details of my life with you...

well, maybe not the intimate details... but close enough.

I recently had the epiphany that I am the stereotypical "lonely girl". I don't mean that in the sense that I am a female and I am lonely, but I seem to be ever man's "i'm lonely" fix these days.

Rather it be a failing marriage, long distance drama, a doomed relationship or a rebound every man I know rather it be an ex, a friend, or an acquaintance seems to call me only when they are lonely. Let me explain that not all of them try to get into my pants. Some just want me to stroke their egos. They flirt with friendly banter until their loneliness fades and then so do they.

I mean, when you think about it I married a man who only wanted me around when he was lonely.

What does that say about me?

I don't really know how it reflects on me. In some ways it makes me feel good because it means that I am someone people can come to when they are down and be cheered back up. I'm someone people can count on.

But on the other hand, it makes me feel a little like I'm just a momentary fix to an easily solved problem. Always the back up. That can kill the little bit of self-esteem my ten pounds dropped has provided.

I don't know. It's just something I've been thinking about. I guess you can call me Lonely Girl...

I sound like a pre-teen CW drama.

5am advice

Advice to a friend of mine at 5am...

Its easy to clinge to the best in people, especially when they prove to be nothing more than the worst because if we admit there's only the worst we become the fools...

Sometimes my brilliance shocks me. :-)

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