As I sit here, drinking an ice cold beer listening to my roommate unload about her relationship drama. To say that this week has been difficult, or emotional, or long are all complete and utter understatements.
This week has been a cluster-mind fuck. And it has left me feeling vulnerable. It has left me feeling drained. And in this moment I find the best way for me to deal is to just cave into myself and take some time.
The week wasn't all bad. It began with a trip to Concord so Evie and Rick could spend some time together, but the days Rick and I spend together are always disarming and emotional. It's hard to deny the feelings I have for him, especially when he looks at me with those eyes: the same eyes that whispered "my god she's beautiful": to me as I slept on one of our first nights together. The love may have slighted, and faded, and twisted into bitterness and then back again but it is evident it is there... and I am struggling with trying to be strong against it.
The day ended abruptly when I was contacted by my mother telling me my sister in law was in labor. It turns out she wasn't. Tuesday is a blur... I couldn't tell you what happened on that day.
Wednesday, I spent the majority of my day in the ER after my mother had another breathing episode and collapsed. I received a call from my sister in law telling me to get to the ER as I was getting ready for work. After blood work, xrays, soft tissue analysis they still can't explain why she is having the issue she is. All they can say is that her lungs have scaring on them and they need to do CTscans. I was terrified to say the least. Rick tried to come to my rescue but my brothers went off on me when i told them he was on his way. I had to convince Rick to stay where he was, which got him upset with me and just made the entire experience even more difficult.
The rest of the week was a cluster of busy work, relationship drama (from the roomie) arguments and disappointments with Rick, and my nephew finally being born.
Days without real sleep.
Lost work shifts resulting in a short in money.
A daughter who has been insanely difficult.
A gut feeling that someone is lying to me and keeping something EXTREMELY important from me.
And Rick deciding he didn't want to spend Easter with us, because he didn't want me to waste the gas (can't help but think it was more about the plans he made though)...
The moral of the story is... because of my exhaustion and emotional-stability and just sanity it is essential to me for next week to be calm, easy, dull, dare I say boring.
It's gonna happen, if I have to shut my phone off and ignore facebook for a week... it's gonna happen.
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