I have no right to talk about other people, or make judgments on their situations. I choose to air my dirty laundry via the internet, make it public to anyone with eyes and enough sense to look... but I've been wanting to talk about this for awhile.
My younger brother is in a very precarious position. His girlfriend is 6 months pregnant. Now, I'm not saying he doesn't love Kasey because she is very lovable... and I'm not saying he's only staying for the baby, because I'm not but it's just a hard situation to watch.
And maybe it's my own experience, my own... I don't know if you would call it guilt but just my own. When you're in that situation, when it wasn't planned and it just happens regardless of the circumstances how can anyone ever be 100% sure they are there for the right reasons?
And it makes me wonder... did Rick have those same doubts about Evelyn and me. No matter how many times he told me he loved me, or wanted to make a family with me, or that he was 110% sure that he was in it fully and completely could he have ever been really sure? Can he ever be?
I don't know if any man, or even any woman can ever be sure they are in that relationship for the right reasons. Even now I'm not sure I was...
I loved Rick. I'll never deny that, but now when I feel as numb as I do and indifferent as I do I wonder if my heart was ever really in it all the way.
And I think that kills me more than thinking his never was.
But who knows, maybe I am wrong.
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