What doesn't kill you...

People who build you up. People who inspire you. People who break you. People who enter and exit your life without you noticing. People who shape you. People who you help create.

The other night I was conversing with a dear friend of mine when he said, "... I am a master at keeping people well past an arms length from my heart... She not only broke my heart, but my soul as well..." This conversation, these words have lingered in my bones for days. They have dangled like chandelier earrings while I brush my teeth in the mirror each morning. They have massaged my scalp, repeating as I wash, rinse, repeat. It's not the notion, the idea of being broken by someone. I am more than experienced with the devastation rooted in a broken heart. It's the idea that has wedged itself in between the curve of the B, lounging like James Dean on the T. People, and how a person can effect us.

It is wildly debated, does a person have power over us or do we ALLOW them to have power over us. I really don't know how I feel about that. I know that even though I walk around daily with a false bravado and confidence brushing my shoulders like my red curls what people say haunts me. Is that because I ALLOW it to, or because the truth is people are what makes the person?

I can think, without strain, of at least five people who have helped shape me into the woman I am today. A neighbor who let me borrow her sexy romance novels when I was 12. A man who I was too scared to call "Dad." A teacher who taught me to read. A man who engulfed every ounce of me like a Cuban cigar, letting me stain his fingertips and make a home of his lungs, just close enough to his heart to make me feel warm before releasing me into the stale, cool air. Women who inspire me. Women who encourage me. Women who are better than me.

A person is the company they keep. A person is the experiences they have.

I think people need to focus more on what is going on, instead of what is ahead. The stranger sitting two seats in front of you on the bus, the girl who brings you your pasta bowl refill, the boy who rotates your tires... who is the judge on what is significant? Who decides what is significant, and what will or won't effect you years down the line.

I know I carry with me far more than I ever expected from the people who I have crossed paths with. But, at the end of the day it is those things I carry that create the creative, loving, affectionate, ambitious, ruthless woman I am today.

I feel no shame in that. Maybe hesitation. Perhaps a little fear. Even a little resistance. But no shame.

rest in PEACE

Dealing with all of the emotional turmoil of the past several days I have yet to comment on Peace College’s announcement Thursday that they are transitioning to a co-ed college and changing their name to William Peace College beginning Fall 2012.

I hate to admit I was not surprised by the announcement since Peace College’s admissions have steadily been declining the past few years, but my lack of surprise does not alleviate my sadness at their finalized decision.

I was privileged and fortunate enough to graduate from Salem College, a women’s college, in 2007. Salem is an institution that has stood for tradition, honesty, and academic excellence for nearly 239 years.  When you first access the website you see the words “Confidence,” “Education,” and “Career.” A women’s college education is about seeking the best, and being the best. It was one of the many reasons why I chose a women’s college compared to a more traditional co-ed education. Tom Matlack described it best in a recent article published at Scribd.com when he quoted a senior at Barnard College. “Three percent of women graduating from high school go to women’s colleges, and yet 30 percent of congresswomen went to women’s colleges and 20 percent of the female CEOs.” We are women who do not discuss change. We are the women who demand, instigate, and channel change.

I am fully aware of the stigma that surrounds a women’s college education. They are a breeding ground for radical feminists. My close male friend’s favorite opinion during my college years was that a women’s college is basically a brothel. I don’t think people realize the benefits that a woman receives from a single-sex education. First off, there are smaller classrooms, more intensive curriculum, better networking opportunities, and the ability to focus. Salem had even more to offer it’s students, including the Center for Women’s Writers, hundreds of years of sisterhood and tradition, the beautiful surroundings of Old Salem, and my personal favorite, Dr. Jo Dulan who, to this day, is one of the most brilliant women I have ever encountered.

So despite some peoples belief that Women’s Colleges are a dying institution, that they are outdated, and an ancient ideology I am truly sad by Peace College’s decision to make the transition. So many colleges are making the change and it’s denying so many young women the same opportunities that I had, and that all the women before me had.
There are nearly 60 institutions in the United States that offer a same-sex education for women. Compare that to the 5 institutions in the United States that offer a same-sex education for men and begin to wonder why there are so few.

One could wager a guess. But I suppose that is an entirely different subject.

Regardless of my sadness and disappointment, I will support the women and the alumni of Peace College. I feel for their loss, and fear the eventual loss of many more women’s colleges in the upcoming years.

Women’s Colleges and Salem College stand strong.