Dear Wizard of Oz,
Just how many broken hearts do you have in that bag...
It might be broken, torn and completely mangled but it would be swell if you gave me mine back.
Thanks....
The Girl That Sees Through the Curtain.
Friday, March 4, 2011
mokita...
I hope the sun shines and its a beautiful day
And something reminds you you wish you had stayed
You can plan for a change in the weather or time
I never planned on you changing your mind...
And something reminds you you wish you had stayed
You can plan for a change in the weather or time
I never planned on you changing your mind...
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Thursday, March 3, 2011
Is there a difference between being mother of the year, and the biggest bitch in the world?
It has been brought to my attention some of the things Evelyn's father has been saying about me.
That I'm a mean, spiteful, hateful bitch.
That I decided he shouldn't be around Evelyn and am thus keeping him from her.
That all I want from him as a father is money.
I don't know what to say. I'm not surprised he's saying these things because of course he wants to put the blame of things on me so he doesn't have to own up to his own part. But what shocked me is how much it hurt when it was brought to my attention. I can speculate, but I never expected him to be so harsh about it.
The truth of the matter is I'm not a bitch, if anything I'm a pushover and that's whats been my issue for a long time. I did not make the decision that Rick should not be involved in Evelyn's life. That was his choice, 110%. After months of him being indecisive about his roll with Evelyn, and being father of the year this week and acting like she was the biggest inconvenience in the world the next I told him to make a decision, to be a father or to not. He has a habit of keeping one foot in and one foot out of the door at all times and I'm not going to have him treating her like that. I don't see why me wanting to be a father, 100%, is such a bad thing. Evelyn deserves it. And as for the last, that again was not my doing. When he decided he wanted to leave he offered to pay so we agreed on an amount and decided to do it between the two of us until he got pissed off. He told me to go through social services and get it court ordered because he was trying to piss me off and hurt me...
I feel the need to defend myself because I don't like getting attacked.
And knowing he's sitting there saying these things breaks my heart. All I've ever done is be good to him, even in bad times. All I've ever done is try to keep him involved, sometimes against his will...
It just really breaks my heart.
That I'm a mean, spiteful, hateful bitch.
That I decided he shouldn't be around Evelyn and am thus keeping him from her.
That all I want from him as a father is money.
I don't know what to say. I'm not surprised he's saying these things because of course he wants to put the blame of things on me so he doesn't have to own up to his own part. But what shocked me is how much it hurt when it was brought to my attention. I can speculate, but I never expected him to be so harsh about it.
The truth of the matter is I'm not a bitch, if anything I'm a pushover and that's whats been my issue for a long time. I did not make the decision that Rick should not be involved in Evelyn's life. That was his choice, 110%. After months of him being indecisive about his roll with Evelyn, and being father of the year this week and acting like she was the biggest inconvenience in the world the next I told him to make a decision, to be a father or to not. He has a habit of keeping one foot in and one foot out of the door at all times and I'm not going to have him treating her like that. I don't see why me wanting to be a father, 100%, is such a bad thing. Evelyn deserves it. And as for the last, that again was not my doing. When he decided he wanted to leave he offered to pay so we agreed on an amount and decided to do it between the two of us until he got pissed off. He told me to go through social services and get it court ordered because he was trying to piss me off and hurt me...
I feel the need to defend myself because I don't like getting attacked.
And knowing he's sitting there saying these things breaks my heart. All I've ever done is be good to him, even in bad times. All I've ever done is try to keep him involved, sometimes against his will...
It just really breaks my heart.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
For You Entertainment...
I'm having one of those I feel hideously unattractive days.
There is nothing cute about a woman in a white button down shirt, tie and who smells of Italian food.
Just sayin
There is nothing cute about a woman in a white button down shirt, tie and who smells of Italian food.
Just sayin
Walking a Fine Line
I haven't talked much about Evelyn's father, and my soon to be ex-husband Rick lately. There is a reason for that. About two months ago Rick made the decision he didn't want to be involved with Evelyn at all. I won't go into details, but he had his reasons.
Recently, it appears Rick has had a change of heart. The other day I was talking to my friend Eric about it because I'm very confused about how to handle this situation. Part of me wants to tell Rick no, you can't see her because all you're going to do is change your mind about it in two week, or months or whatever. Which honestly, is already beginning to prove true. We had tried to arrange time for him to come see her this week but it seems he's not going to come through on that thought.
I tried to explain to Eric, it's hard for me to tell him no, he can't see her even when he doesn't deserve to because I don't want to be the one keeping her from him. I've watched fathers have their children pulled from them and kept from them and it kills me to think of anyone ever thinking of me the way I think of those girls.
I know Evelyn needs a father. I know she needs to know Rick and spend time with him, but how am I suppose to be a good mother and protect her from his indecisive and erratic moods. It's a fine line I'm walking, trying to provide her with both; her father and protecting her from the things that will let her down.
I don't know how much longer I can walk it.
Recently, it appears Rick has had a change of heart. The other day I was talking to my friend Eric about it because I'm very confused about how to handle this situation. Part of me wants to tell Rick no, you can't see her because all you're going to do is change your mind about it in two week, or months or whatever. Which honestly, is already beginning to prove true. We had tried to arrange time for him to come see her this week but it seems he's not going to come through on that thought.
I tried to explain to Eric, it's hard for me to tell him no, he can't see her even when he doesn't deserve to because I don't want to be the one keeping her from him. I've watched fathers have their children pulled from them and kept from them and it kills me to think of anyone ever thinking of me the way I think of those girls.
I know Evelyn needs a father. I know she needs to know Rick and spend time with him, but how am I suppose to be a good mother and protect her from his indecisive and erratic moods. It's a fine line I'm walking, trying to provide her with both; her father and protecting her from the things that will let her down.
I don't know how much longer I can walk it.
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