Play[ing] a Cold shoulder

I have immersed myself in Coldplay today. It's helping...

just because i'm losing doesn't mean i'm lost...

I remember...

Once upon a time there was a man who looked at me like this. It kills me to admit how badly I miss it, but I do.



You had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart
Never really had luck, couldn’t never figure out
How to love
How to love

You had a lot of moments that didn’t last forever
Now you in the corner tryna put it together
How to love
How to love

For a second you were here
Why you over there?
Its hard not to stare, the way you moving your body
Like you never had a love
Never had a love

When you was just a young’un you’re looks but so precious
But now your grown up
So fly its like a blessing but you can’t have a man look at you for 5 seconds
Without you being insecure
You never credit yourself so when you got older
It’s seems like you came back 10 times over
Now you’re sitting here in this damn corner
Looking through all your thoughts and looking over your shoulder

See you had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart
Never really had luck, couldn’t never figure out
How to love
How to love

See you had a lot of moments that didn’t last forever
Now you in the corner tryna put it together
How to love
How to love

For a second you were here
Why you over there?
Its hard not to stare the way you moving your body
Like you never had a love
Had a love

You had a lot of dreams that transform to visions
The fact that you saw the world affected all your decisions
But it wasn’t your fault
Wasn’t in your intentions

You the one here talking to me
You don’t wanna listen
But I admire your poppin bottles and dippin’
Just as much as you admire bartending and stripping
Baby, so don’t be mad
Nobody else trippin
You see a lot of crooks and the crooks still crook

See You had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart
Never really had luck, couldn’t never figure out
How to love
How to love

See you had a lot of moments that didn’t last forever
Now you in the corner tryna put it together
How to love
How to love

Oooh,
See I just want you to know
That you deserve the best
You’re beautiful
You’re beautiful
Yeah

And I want you to know, you’re far from the usual
Far from the usual

You see you had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart
Never really had luck, couldn’t never figure out
How to love
How to love

See you had a lot of moments that didn’t last forever
Now you in the corner tryna put it together
How to love
How to love

See you had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart
Never really had luck, couldn’t never figure out
How to love
How to love

See you had a lot of moments that didn’t last forever
Now you in the corner tryna put it together
How to love

A Jewel

If I could tell the world just one thing
It would be that we're all OK
And not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful
And useless in times like these
I won't be made useless
I won't be idle with despair
I will gather myself around my faith
For light does the darkness most fear

...Power...

I've been on a bit of a Fleetwood Mac kick the past few days. I've always loved their lyrics and the raw passion behind their music. Lovers won and relationships lost. Friendships broken and betrayals. It's all the allure of daytime TV soap operas without the unexplained resurrections and family feuds.

I don't know what it is about their music that balances me. Maybe it's because it reminds me of my Sophomore year of college when I roomed with a girl who sang in a Fleetwood Mac Tribute band. I spent the majority of that year locked in my room, writing, and falling in love for the first time.

Maybe it's because of how much Gene idolized Stevie Nicks. With her big black boots and curves she was a woman for me to look up to when I was younger. Strong. Proud. Independent. Self-aware. Talented. She is still someone to marvel at. I remember listening to her sultry voice on car rides when Gene would roll down the windows and stare out at the country side. I'd lean into the wind, letting it rip my hair violently as I imagined what it would be like to feel love and feel loss like that. Eagerly anticipating the battle wounds that would mark my adulthood.

In a lot of ways the title of this blog was inspired by Fleetwood Mac. Gypsy.

Strange how the strangest things can give you strength when you least expect it... but when you need it the most.


"Women, they will come and they will go. When the rain washes you clean you'll know."

Brute Honesty

I know I can't take one more step towards you
Cause all that's waiting is regret
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore?
You lost the love
I loved the most
And I learned to live, half-alive
And now you want me one more time

Strength in the Making

Been caught in a downpour of a rain of stones
Felt like an exile in the world I had known
So I sought the shelter of my own soul
And stayed inside

I found no comfort in placing blame
I saw the hope that lay just beyond the pain
The past is a prison and I won't wear those chains
And I won't hide, oh no

I will be here
I will be strong
I'll face my fears
When the night is long
And still go on
I will be brave
I will be bold
Follow my faith
To a higher road
And I'm not there yet
But I will be

I could choose to keep my feet upon the beaten path
Never cross the open field for the one snake in the grass
But I'd rather risk my heart then never get the chance
To find my way, to find my way

mokita...

I hope the sun shines and its a beautiful day
And something reminds you you wish you had stayed
You can plan for a change in the weather or time
I never planned on you changing your mind...

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I Have a Love/Hate Relationship with this Song

Morning Music

But we both know 
how we're gonna make it work 
when it hurts...

Sometimes It Really Is That Simple...

Cause I’ve been hidin’
All my life and
I’ve been tryin
To keep me safe but
I’ve been healin
I’ve been thinkin
I am ready
Finally for something more
Than this...

I couldn't have said it better myself...

Something Nice To Wake Up To...

I like the message:



I'm really tryna make it more than what it is, cause everybody dies but not everybody lives

A Missing Piece

And I'd give it all away
just to have somewhere to go to
And I'd give it all away
just to have someone to come home to

If this is giving up then I'm giving up... on Love...

I had a momentary lapse in judgment last night.
A brief moment of weakness...
I almost forgot I was better than that...
and then I woke up this morning and remember.
The hurtfulness resonates like a sonar signal...
Thank God.

it never takes too long...

but you're neither friend nor foe
thought i cant seem to let you go
but the one thing that i still know 
is that you're keeping me, down.....